1 Case When Letting Her Go to Get Her Back Works… and 3 Cases When it Doesn’t
I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED what the difference would be in marriage if at the altar, instead of saying ‘forever' we put a date on it
20 years maybe?
Would it free us up more, or make us stay in relationships that we shouldn't be in…
I personally cannot see it happening but it's an interesting point to start on the topic of letting her go to get her back. Because although we do say forever, we only mean that if certain circumstances are met.
How successful husbands view their marriage…
I want to let you know that you ALWAYS need to be prepared to walk away from your marriage
Even if your marriage is great, as a man you must think to yourself…
‘I am here because i am happy, respected and valued. I am being treated well and I am moving towards what I want. When these things don't happen in my marriage, I dread it or it starts going in the wrong direction I am happy to walk away and get these things elsewhere'
But because this is the mantra, it DOES NOT necessarily mean that letting her go to get her back is a good idea
Sometimes you need to fight for what you want
So how do you know the difference?
When Should You Let Her Go:
Sometimes women can be brats. And it's not necessarily an age thing, they can be brats at 4 or 40. And if your wife is acting like a brat then the issue in your marriage could be one of boundaries and respect
Here's a few questions to answer…
- Are you are begging her to stay, or begging her for anything at all?
- Do you feel like your compensating for her?
- Do you think she's not being a reasonable human being?
- Is she getting away with things that you don't agree with?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then you may have to set some boundaries
What's wrong with these 4 situations?
The main issue with these situations is that she has lost respect for you. And attraction and respect correlate to each other (especially with women)
Basically she is acting out because she is testing you. Like school kids test teachers, your wife is testing how strong and reliable you are…
How to set boundaries and fix the situation+
Women LOVE guys who are dependable and strong. And as far as techniques go, setting boundaries is a big one when it comes to this
To clarify, boundaries are expectations you place on other people, in regards to yourself
Basically how you want the people around you to treat you
To set one simply fill the blanks in this sentence
‘I [Boundary Blank], if someone does this to me I will [Action You Will Take]‘
Those boundaries could be:
- No contact with the other man
- No shouting in front of children
- No belittling in front of friends/family
- No hitting
- No name calling
The Action you will take could be:
- Withdrawing from something you do together
- Leaving the home
Then when she breaks a boundary you need to stick to your guns and do what you said you would do
The hardest thing about boundaries
The hardest part about a boundary is sticking to it…
Here's the general gist of what happens
- You tell your wife that what she's doing isn't acceptable, and if she does it again you will follow through with action
- Your wife listens and sometime after starts breaking the rule
- You warn, she stops
- After some time your wife becomes very good at staying right about that line where you said you would take action
- You feel that taking action is too much and too drastic for actions performed by wife and her small improvement is accepted by you
This obviously doesn't work.
How to make boundaries work
The first time you set the boundary you need to know that YOU WILL be following through with it at some stage
She has to know you are serious. And although it seems hard, it is important and IT IS WHAT SHE WANTS. You have proven to her that you are a strong, dependable man who is true to his word. Even after all the B.S. she has thrown at you you have stuck to what you said you would do
Note about boundaries
Women like to make men feel confused about things. It's little known but it's one of the most common techniques they use to control men
So know going in that this is her trump card. She will try and make things more gray than black and white.
In this situation remember to stay the course. Stick to what you said you were going to do. If she can get you to change your mind mid way, to what she wants… she won't respect you for it
The Case AGAINST Letting Go:
Here is when you shouldn't you let your wife go to get her back
1. If it looks like going to court
Lawyers will say that you are in effect ‘abandoning the marriage' which doesn't play well in a court setting (if it gets to that). It can be used as an argument against you if your going for full custody of the kids
Statistics say that it is a lot harder for you to start living together again after you have moved out (I cannot remember where i saw these statistics but they do exist. I will update this when i find them again)
3. She may take it the wrong way
Remember how we were talking about tests? Unless you have a really good reason to leave, your wife might see you as someone who leaves when ‘things get tough'. This isn't a good look for you.
Conclusion – When you should let her go to get her back, and when you should stay:
Although situations do vary I thought i'd sum up here what the article says, to make it crystal clear
Most of the time you should stay and FIGHT for your marriage and your wife. She wants to know that you want her
HOWEVER, if she is acting like a brat (see the four questions) then set boundaries. If she breaks them, you need to follow through with the action you said you would do (which will be leave the home at some point)
A side note on letting go:
There's an idea for men when dealing with women that says men need to show that they don't care about any one particular woman. It's called indifference
And although it's more of a dating thing I think there is some credit to this for husbands who find themselves in relationship trouble
In your mind, you need know that everything will be OK, no matter what happens
This is a type of letting go all husbands need to do (not just those in marriage troubles)
If you can do this, your marriage will be all the better for it
More Help is Available: (You Aren't Alone)
If you believe that you need more help with your marriage then here is a link to what i recommend:
It's a step by step guide for men who find themselves stuck, and don't know what to do next to help their marriage, no matter what stage it's at
Whether you have just had a little fight, to if your not living together any more it can help. Don't delay, get some help to save your marriage today!
Best of luck in your situation