Is My Wife Lying to Me?
IF YOU SUSPECT YOUR wife is being dishonest with you, you might be onto something: 60% of people can’t go ten minutes without lying at least once. That’s a pretty crazy statistic, but it also means that 40% of people can refrain from lying for the duration of a 10-minute conversation. So what can you do to figure out whether your wife is in the 40% camp or the 60% camp?
The obvious answer is: ask her. But if your trust is already shaky, then you might not believe what she says anyway.
Thankfully, there are verbal and non-verbal cues you can look for the next time you ask where she’s been all night… Or how much she spent on her last shopping trip. Here they are – 7 signs your wife is lying to you.
She talks too little – or too much.
When deceptive people are questioned, they give very little information because the brain struggles to create a complicated, false story on the spot, and keep track of it. Often, they’ll only provide the ‘bare bones’ of a story.
But sometimes the opposite can happen. If your wife is lying to you about how she spent her day, for example, she may use long, convoluted sentences to try to sound more convincing.
You might also notice that she spontaneously gives an explanation or long justification for what she’s saying without being asked, and adds in irrelevant but factual-sounding details along the way.
If you believe she’s lying to you, ask her the question you have on your mind and then observe her face when she answers you. Are her eyes scanning YOUR face while she’s speaking? She might be looking to see if you’re buying what she’s selling.
She’ll try to buy time.
Have you ever asked your wife a question and had her repeat it back to you word-for-word?
“Where did you and the girls go last night?”
“Where did me and the girls go last night…”
If this is happening, chances are she’s looking for an extra moment to come up with a deceptive reply. She may have been out with someone you dislike, or she may have gone somewhere you’d disapprove of. This is her way of coming up with an ‘acceptable’ – but false – response.
While it’s true that people sometimes repeat part of a question because they haven’t heard you properly, repeating a question in full is a common stalling tactic deceptive people use. Think about it – if your wife is repeating your question IN FULL, she heard you the first time.
She’ll touch her face a lot or fidget.
You’ve just told your wife how much you love her, and that you’re excited to have children/go overseas/grow old with her.
She responds with “me too.”
But you notice she’s gently rubbing the skin under her eye as she speaks. She may have just had an itch, but rubbing the eye, or using gentle touching motions just below the eye, are ways to avoid looking someone in the face as you lie to them.
Or she may have covered her mouth as she spoke – with several fingers, her whole hand, or a fist. This is her brain’s subconscious attempt to supress the lies. She might realise she’s covering her mouth, and disguise her actions with a fake cough.
OR, she may briefly rub/scratch her nose as she speaks – which is also a sign of dishonesty. Scientists have shown that when someone lies, their nose expands with extra blood flow and the increased pressure causes the nerve endings to tingle – causing liars to scratch.
Your wife touching any part of her face mid-conversation can also be perceived as fidgety behaviour. And fidgety behaviour is often linked with lying.
Ultimately, you need to judge her body language carefully – and take into account your wife’s normal actions. For example, if your wife regularly twirls her hair or touches her face when she speaks, then she might just be a fidgety, but honest person.
Any changes to her normal behaviour, though, indicate that a lie is in progress.
While the fidgety behaviors discussed in point 3 suggest that your wife is lying. You should also be wary if she remains as still as a statue when you’re discussing something with her. It’s normal to move in a relaxed and natural manner during conversations. No movement at all is NOT natural and is a huge sign that something’s off.
The movements described in point 3 are signs of the ‘flight’ response – she’s moving so much she’s almost getting ready to take off. But if she’s stuck in a frozen, rigid position, this is a sign of the ‘fight’ response. It may be that she’s getting ready for a possible confrontation – just in case one of her lies is uncovered mid-conversation.
Her eyes won’t stop moving.
If you’re trying to make conversation but your wife’s barely responding, look at what her eyes are doing. If they are darting back and forth, focusing on anything but your eyes, she’s probably not enjoying your company and is looking for a way to escape the encounter. Ask yourself why she’s so uncomfortable. Have you just asked her a probing question? Is she trying to avoid answering it?
Or maybe one day her phone rings when you’re watching a movie together. She moves to quickly cover her phone – but not before you notice it was her ex calling. So you confront her with a strong statement:
“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”
If your wife immediately gazes downwards before she answers, then this can hint at deception. This is a classic gesture of defeat and shame and is closely linked with guilt. So if she gazes downwards quickly, but then comes back with,
“No, of course not.”
Then you may want to think twice before believing her.
I’ll say this again – think about how much she’s deviating from her normal behavior. Do her eyes usually dart around the room because she’s always been uncomfortable with eye contact?
Also consider the beginning of the conversation. Was she comfortably meeting your gaze and looking relaxed? Did her body language/behaviour only change when you asked a deep and meaningful question? If she’s deviating from her standard behavior or from the way she started the conversation, she may be struggling to remain honest with you.
Her face won’t be able to completely hide the truth
Scientists say that if someone is telling a big lie with serious consequences, their face will definitely reveal the deception. This is because there are many complex muscles in the face that we can’t control – no matter how hard we try.
So when someone is lying, their face will show their true emotion – like anger or guilt, by ‘cracking’ briefly, and allowing what they really feel to leak out. But you need to be watching your wife’s face closely because these tiny cracks of true emotion last less than one-fifth of a second.
And be careful – even if you do witness a flash of emotion cross her face as she’s speaking, it doesn’t always mean that she’s ‘guilty’ of something – it may just show that she’s trying to hide what she’s feeling. For example, maybe she’s embarrassed about feeling sad and doesn’t want to cry in front of you, so she tries to cover it up.
She’ll refer to herself less and use negative words more.
When Lance Armstrong famously denied using performance-enhancing drugs, he used a hypothetical scenario, and talked a lot about other people to distance himself from his lie. Scientists say that people do this when they’re being dishonest because they feel guilty and want to distance themselves from the lie.
When Armstrong infamously, admitted to drug-use later on, he used the words ‘I’, ‘myself’, and ‘me’ 75% more, which was a strong sign he was finally telling the truth.
Someone who is lying also tends to use more negative words overall. So you might ask your wife why she didn’t respond to your text. And if she is telling you a lie, she might respond with:
“Ugh, my stupid phone battery died. I hate that piece of s#^t!”
A combination of signs is key to answer the question ‘Is my wife lying to me?'
If your wife displays one of the behaviors listed above, it doesn’t mean she’s lying. She might fidget with her bracelet when you ask her a question, but she might just really like her bracelet.
If you ask a confronting question though, and she starts rubbing her eyes, looking down, giving you the bare bones of a story and using lots of negative words to boot, well, then you might have to ask her more questions.
If your wife isn’t displaying any of the behaviors listed above, but you STILL feel she’s lying to you, you can respond in one of two ways:
- Bring it up straight away. Put all your cards out on the table, resolve the issues, restore honesty in the relationship, and move on. Or,
- Wait until you have discovered more information and facts before you confront her.
At the end of the day your wife might be lying to you. But you can always remain true to yourself and act in a way that is respectful of her feelings, and yours.
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