How to Get Ex Wife Back – How the Philosophy of the Show Seinfeld Will Help You Get Your Wife’s Attention Back… in a Good Way
- DOES YOUR WIFE distant or even cold, giving you no clue on how to fix things?
- Maybe she has kicked you out of the house
- Or has your wife left, leaving you to deal with the mess?
Do your conversations end up more like an exchange of insults? If so, then read on.
I RECEIVE A STEADY TRICKLE OF EMAILS from men who want to fix their marriage and get their exes back. One particular question stuck out to me as a summation of the problem….
- How can I reconnect with my wife without smothering her and pushing her further away? How do I take the first step to getting myself better?
There are also different slants on the same issue
- She will not entertain the thought of seeing a marriage counselor… What do I do?
- Said she wanted a divorce (I am standing, do not want to divorce)
Generally these questions are around a loss of passion.
It starts with little verbal swipes at each other and at the end the time between you two becomes polluted. It isn’t fun anymore and no wonder that you both start separating from each other
It's human nature, if you have a situation that is upsetting, and every time you think you can solve it it goes in the same circle again then it's going to happen eventually
Here's a post about breaking those cycles that can really help
Communication in your marriage
For this article I am assuming that there is problems when you and your wife speak to each other. Typically communication can be used as a barometer of your marriage and when things go south, it suffers as well.
Communication isn’t everything in a marriage. It is, however, a large enough part that when it goes awry it can lead to a breakdown and breakup
To get straight to the point, re establishing the communication between you and your wife is your primary mission if when you talk to each other it ends up badly.
The trick is to make your communications short. You get in and out.
(The actual Seinfeld reference is below… and yes there is a video for that too)
And you do it regularly.
So how do you actually get it done? How do you get around it when your wife either wants out or is out and you can’t really tell her what you want to tell her because it causes an argument.
Building a bridge that you can come together on
For simplicity sake, lets use the metaphor that the communication in your relationship is like a bridge between two connecting areas that has collapsed or at the very least, isn’t in good shape
The first thing to do is attend to the bridge. In the case of the marriage, this is fixing the fact that your wife doesn’t want to talk to you at all, or talk to you about certain topics.
So how do you get your marriage back to the place where you can fix things?
Slowly, and a little bit at a time
Some people say that taking the first step is the toughest part… But it really shouldn’t be and it doesn’t have to be.
The truth to getting started is to make the steps so small and so simple that anyone could do them with a minute or two of free time
I was listening to a book entitled ‘mini-habits’. In short, this book is about changing your situation a little bit at a time
It’s a great read or listen and i recommend it.
How ‘mini habits’ apply to getting your ex wife back
Your wife had a good relationship with you at some point, you want to get back there.
And right now we know that we want to make talking with your wife more fun so both of you enjoy doing it and want to do more
How mini habits applies here is to do a little bit of this every day. To set a rule for yourself to do something small every single day
So in this instance, to build better communication with your wife you could go down one of two paths in my opinion. And where you would use them would be in different circumstances
Still living together?
If you still live with your wife, give yourself the mini-habit of:
- Listen to her for 1 minute per day without really saying anything
(You can say stuff like, How did that make you feel? or Mhm. This is ONLY to keep her talking)
Don’t try to do anything fancy, fix her problems or help her in any way. Just sit there and listen. Think about golf if you have to, it can help sometimes distract you enough to not want to interfere with her getting things off her chest and talking to you
Then after shes done, and you've hit your minute then leave.
Make that interaction a positive one and put it on the scoreboard.
Start doing this every day and you’ll start to see some wins going up there, it is motivating.
Don't live together any more?
If you don’t live with your wife you can use text messages to send to her to get her open to talking again
It takes a little more skill to send a text message that isn’t going to trigger anything bad.
Your mini-habit here is simply
Send 1 nice text message to her per day – that again, doesn’t help her, try to fix anything or tell her anything of meaning etc.
Just a fluff message really. Something like
‘I drove past the mini golf today. I remembered your hole in one’
‘Do you remember the band ‘xyz’?’
NOTE: For more information on how to message your wife back into your life and reconnect, including done for you proven text message templates then take a look at this system.
Some further info to help make your mini-habit a success
Much about nothing
You can see the messages that not much is actually being said. Really these types are messages are like Seinfeld of sms… The message about nothing
Just making talking to your wife fun again. For both of you
Once you have the communication up, after a while it will be time to talk about more meaningful items. But honestly i’d let her bring it up. Just be the guy who makes her happy etc.
Otherwise you will set yourself back if you try to do it too early.
No Hero's allowed
Other than doing your mini habit go about your life in a normal way.
After a while you might be motivated to do more, and you can then. But when you're starting, just start with the minimum for a few weeks
Stick to it
But pick a habit and do it every day
It’s more important to get a chain of continuous days going rather than do a lot
Pick a great habit
The examples above are general. They do work but picking a great mini habit will help you and your marriage, and make it so much easier
I don't know your wife, but my mini habit (to get my wife talking) is about asking her how her day was
But I don't just ask once, iIask three times. Because the first few times she wont really tell me. (I don't know why – it doesn't really matter)
So my mini habit is – ask my wife 3 times after I/we get home from work how her day went, listen and dont say anything
That's all I focus on. Maybe the listening habit will work for you, or maybe there is a better one you can focus on to get results
I hope in the very least that you have seen that
- This is a relatively common problem and your not alone in wanting to save your marriage, although you are the only one who wants to save it
- That learning how to get your ex wife back involves steps and it is possible
If you are looking for a more detailed, step by step plan to get your ex wife back then here is what i recommend.Recommended Wife Back Program
It’s even got a section for marriages that are at the point where one partner has moved on. It’s definitely not a guaranteed thing, but if you want to do it, you can’t go wrong with this advice.
Thanks for reading and if you want to get in contact with me then please use contact me here.