Five Ways You Are Unknowingly Hurting Your Marriage and Driving Your Wife Away

Man unkowningly is driven away from family

RESEARCH SHOWS THAT WOMEN FILE TWO-THIRDS of all divorces. And there is a reason for this. At the beginning of the marriage, women are the emotional caretakers of their relationships. They will be the ones initiating meaningful conversations, planning shared activities, insisting on quality time together; they make sure that the relationship remains a priority.

However, commitments increase: the responsibilities at work continue to grow, children come into the relationship, investments and side hustle's demand for attention. After some time, the couple may not be as close as they once were. If other commitments sideline the marriage, the wife works harder to pursue her husband for more connection by having the regular heart to heart talks. If these conversations are fruitful, the wife feels close to her husband and the marriage blossoms.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry – Winston Churchill

If not, the wife becomes increasingly unhappy. She begins to find faults with many other areas of their relationship, and the complaints start coming. Unfortunately, the complaints and the tension at home hardly prompt the husband to spend more time with the wife.

And so the wife quietly starts planning her exit strategy. She tells herself: I will leave as soon as my lastborn goes to college. Exit strategies take years to execute and then one day, the oblivious husband is devastated when he is told the marriage is over.

The husband will be shocked. He will wonder why the wife did not tell him that she was that unhappy. The husband will become desperate to save his marriage. The threat of a divorce will generate true soul searching.

Five ways you are unknowingly hurting your marriage and driving your wife away.

You do not want to be the husband who is woken up by the threat of a divorce. Even though many marriages have recovered at the brink of a divorce, sometimes it is a case of too little, too late. It would be better if soul searching is done now than later.

1. You never express appreciation

Appreciation is vital in all relationships. Women do the lion’s share of the housework. Many women feel taken for granted. Indeed, one of the most common complaints by wives is that they feel that their husbands sometimes treat them like maids. After a couple of arguments about chores, many wives give up and resign themselves to doing everything. However, anger and resentment continue to simmer in the background.

During courtship, you were caring, helpful, compassionate and quite active. You did everything possible to capture the heart of your wife. But how about after the marriage?

You sometimes come from work ahead of her, but you will not cook, wash the dishes or clean the house. And to make matters worse, even when she does all the chores, you do not express your appreciation. In her eyes. You are no longer the sweet, caring person that she met.

Notice the things that your wife does and thank her. They may seem trivial, but they are essential to the success of your family.  Be sincerely grateful. She will feel amazing every time you thank her.

Heaven will not be heaven to me if I do not meet my wife – Andrew Jackson

Man is not sure why he is driving his wife away

2. You withhold physical affection

Physical affection is deeply tied to a woman’s emotional needs. Unfortunately, many men think that sex makes up for the affection they do not show outside the bedroom. Holding your wife’s hand, complementing her, hugging her before you leave for work, pulling her close when you are watching a movie together; these are all seemingly small things, but they are a significant component of your wife’s definition of intimacy.

When you withdraw your hand to play a computer game, you are starving an essential part of the relationship with your wife. And yes, I know you aren’t trying to hurt her!

Give your wife undivided attention: turn off the TV, pause the game, put down your phone. Remember, your relationship will die when your affection dies.

A good husband makes a good wife.- John Fiono

3. You do not prioritize your wife

Your marriage provides the foundation for everything you are building; including children. If you put your wife last, it is a tragic, sad affair. Despite your many time-consuming responsibilities, you must make your wife your priority to have a healthy lasting relationship.

Always leave enough time in your day to bond with your wife. Out of the many girls, you dated and the many more that you knew, your wife is the one you picked to spend the rest of your life with. She needs to see that you choose her all over again.

Deciding your wife is the most important thing is the first step. From there, it is pretty simple.

Where does your wife rank in your life, honestly?

No one should come between you and your spouse. They should come alongside you. – Ashley Mcilwan

4. You behave immaturely

Many women are miserable in their marriages because the hubby just won’t grow up. Maturity calls for us to patiently listen even to information that we do not like and give it careful consideration. When we become defensive, angry and intimidating to feedback from our wives, we only succeed in shutting them down. When you behave immaturely when difficult subjects come up, you are alienating her and increasing the emotional distance.

Learn to search for a kernel of truth in what your wife says, instead of dwelling on the part of the feedback that does not resonate with you. Maturity will help you to hear everything your wife is saying even when you do not agree with her. Being open to feedback will help her feel comfortable to talk to you about difficult subjects.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. – Zig Ziglar

5. You are financially incompetent

Money and marriage is an old problem. Mismanagement of money can kill your marriage. Money is more than dollars and cents; it is freedom and security. It ensures that you and your wife will have a peaceful retirement and secures your children’s future.

Be open with your wife about money issues. Ensure you both agree on the figures concerning your family income, expenses, and net worth. Research indicates that men tend to overestimate their wealth, while women underestimate it. Seek to understand your wife’s perspective and agree on the goals and plans you want to pursue as a family. Meet regularly with your wife to discuss your household finances and progress.

Many couples do not discuss finances before marriage. They also do not talk about it during the Marriage, until a crisis arises. – Jonathan Rich

Before it's too late…

The vast majority of problems that couples experience to a point of considering divorce are solvable. Search yourself and remedy any behavior that you find could be pushing your wife away. I know you are doing an excellent job of being a husband, but you could do better. There is always room for improvement.

You owe it to the woman you married. And remember; happy wife, happy life.

Your next step

If you want some more guidance on becoming a better husband and getting your marriage back on track then you can see a short video here.

Save the Marriage


Thanks for reading. You can contact me here with any questions or queries about this article