The 6 Common Signs of a Cheating Wife
IN MOVIES, CHEATING WIVES smell like another man’s aftershave, go on more ‘business trips’ than usual, or are blatantly caught in the act. Hollywood has led us to believe that picking a cheater is easy. But in real life, it’s not.
Most of the time, all you’ll have to go on is a niggling thought that just won’t go away, or a gut feeling that something is up with your wife. You’re confused because she’s different, but you can’t figure out how. And the last thing you want to do is accuse her of cheating when she’s not, and end up pushing her away.
If you suspect there might be someone else, but want to be sure before you have ‘the conversation’, the best thing to do is to go into observation mode and gather information about your wife’s behavior. This can help you determine if it’s worth asking her whether she’s cheating – or not. But what exactly are you looking for? Well, read on to discover 6 common signs of a cheating wife.
1. Change in affection level towards you
Your wife may seem distant or like she's ‘checked out’. For example, she hugs and kisses you less than normal, and in fact, she barely touches you. Generally speaking, she is less ‘available’ to you and even when she’s at home, you feel a void between the two of you. It’s almost like you’re living with a roommate – and not a very friendly one at that!
But this is where it can get tricky. A cheating wife can also pay MORE attention to you as a way to ease her guilt. If she’s devoting more attention to you when you share some time together, this could be a way of momentarily making herself feel better about what she does when you’re not around.
Bottom line: any obvious change in affection – one way or the other – is a red flag.
2. Evasive and avoidant behavior
Generally speaking, women are more inclined to open up about their thoughts and feelings than men. So if you’ve noticed that your wife isn’t sharing her thoughts as often as she used to, she might be hiding something, getting the emotional support she needs from someone else, or both.
An unfaithful wife may also start evading the idea of you two as a couple. She might start talking more in terms of ‘I’ more than ‘we’. For example:
“For my next holiday, I want to go to Greece.”
Finally, if she begins a conversation with eye contact, but then starts darting her eyes from side to side, or looking down immediately after you’ve asked her a question, this is not a good sign. Multiple studies have found that gaze aversion is linked with deception.
Try to maintain eye contact with your wife throughout a conversation, and observe whether she turns away more often than not. Strike up a casual chat about her day and ask her where’s she’s been, who with, and what she got up to – if she’s cheating, she’ll probably lie to you. And if she’s lying, then she’ll find it difficult to look you in the eye – and hold your gaze.
Bottom line: if she’s talking less, breaking eye contact mid-conversation, or using ‘I’ where she used to use ‘we’, it’s a red flag.
3. More or less sex
A cheating wife may show less interest in sex with you. When you make the moves, she might say things like:
“Not now, babe.”
If you had a healthy sex life before and the flames are dying down, this could indicate that she is fulfilling her sexual desires with another man.
But just as often, wives can show MORE interest in sex with you. Just like in the case of affection (discussed in point 1) this could be her way of alleviating the guilt she feels for cheating on you. Alternatively, it could be a sign that she’s having an emotional affair and using you to satisfy her desire for someone she cannot have in bed.
Bottom line: when it comes to sex, significantly more OR less is a red flag.
4. She accuses you of cheating & criticizes you more
If your wife is accusing you of cheating on her, it could be that she’s trying to transfer the guilt from her own actions over to you. She could also be accusing and hounding you over things you’re not doing, so that the unfair blame distracts you from seeing the reality of the situation (i.e. SHE’S cheating on YOU).
It might be that she’s not accusing you of anything, it’s just that she’s nagging you more than usual. If you notice your wife becoming more critical in general, and acting like you can do no right in her eyes, then she’s probably looking for ways to justify her affair to herself.
On the other hand, if you have not changed your behavior in any way, and your wife is nagging you less, this could mean she has become indifferent towards you, which could mean she’s getting emotional fulfillment from another person.
Bottom line: if she’s accusing you of cheating, has become a massive nit-picker, or is becoming indifferent, it’s a red flag.
5. She cares about her appearance more than she used to.
This is a tricky one because sometimes wives spruce themselves up for YOU. If you’re sensing a lack of chemistry in the relationship, the chances are, she is too. She may be trying to ‘fix’ the problem by making herself more appealing to you.
But women do try to look their best at the start of a new relationship, so if she is suddenly making significantly more effort, she could be trying to impress a new lover.
A good way to differentiate between whether she’s looking good for you, or for somebody else, is to observe her shopping habits. Is she buying more clothing and lingerie than usual? Is she wearing her new purchases around you? If not, she may be saving them for the other man.
Bottom line: if she is making an effort to look her best AND not wearing new clothing purchases around you, it’s a red flag.
6. Avoiding your friends and family.
Most of the tips listed in this article focus on watching for changes in your wife’s behavior around YOU. But actually, the way she behaves towards your friends and family can provide valuable information too.
If she’s starting to distance herself from your side of the family, or from friends of yours whom she once got along with, it could be a sign that she’s feeling guilty. This is because she knows her affair won’t just hurt you, but the people who care about you too. This will make her feel even guiltier and so she may avoid get-togethers with your family and friends.
Cheating wives can also worry that your friends and family will be able to tell she’s being unfaithful, even if you don’t pick up on the cues.
Try taking her to family gatherings and dinner with friends as much as possible. If she’s making excuses to opt out, ask her why.
Bottom line: if she’s avoiding your loved ones, it’s a red flag.
If, after reading this, you have noticed some of the signs of a cheating wife, and you’re convinced she is cheating on you, the next step is to confront her about it.
Before you do though, you need to consider two main things:
Are you emotionally prepared to hear what she has to say? If not, you may need to wait a little longer – time can help you come to terms with it all!
Have you decided what you want to do once you’ve discovered the truth? If she IS cheating, you may want to stay and work on the relationship. Are you in a healthy and strong enough state-of-mind to be able to do this? Or you may want to leave her. Are you financially secure enough to do so?
Of course, she may not be cheating after all, and in that case, you should be ready to explore why you came to the conclusion that she is.
Either way, strength, honesty, and a level headed-approach will see you in good stead. Because even if it doesn’t work out with your current wife, you’ll need to be at your best in order to find someone who truly does deserve you.