50 Ways to Love your Wife her Way
YOUR MARRIAGE CAN FIND ITSELF down on the list of priorities once you start settling into a routine. Add to that the stress of work, financial trouble and the burden of children… And what started off as a highly romantic union can all too easily become mundane.
In all the hustle and bustle (or the everyday whirlwind as i recently heard it called) it’s common that we simply have no idea what to do to meet our wife’s expectations. And that’s not our fault; women can also lose touch themselves.
To help clear heads, here are 10 things you can do (with 50 specific tips) that will send a message through the mundane everyday tasks, and take your marriage to a happier place.
Re-create your partnership
You made a promise to each other. If she is not feeling that, put the effort into acting like a team.
1. Remember that you and her are a team and that you are in this together. Talk about things that are between you two, like it’s your own little world. I.e. if your house just seems to get dirty (like mine does), you can talk about ‘the hunt for where the mess comes from’.
2. Fill in some of the weaknesses in your marriage. Do you both have trouble planning? Read/Listen to a book or go to a seminar on planning.
3. Make sure you have a special thing that you do with the kids. Make a big deal about it. Maybe it’s going to the shops, or eating something special together.
4. Don’t expect the world to praise you when you do something around the house.
5. Don’t bring up the goings on in your marriage with anyone at work, friends, family etc.
Make a Plan
Marriage is all about stability. Give some to her.
6. Sit down with her and together, make some specific goals to achieve together for the year.
7. Have a monthly financial planning meeting where you figure out how you can get what she wants… i.e. new outdoor setting, car, pay for private school fees etc.
8. Let her know your long-term plans.
9. Always have some kind of holiday/getaway booked. Talk about it and plan it. Even if it’s camping outside your mother-in-law’s holiday house.
10. Plan and talk about your dream home together.
Don’t let things left unsaid fester and turn sour. Bring it up, but do so with the utmost respect. This will reduce the anxiety and stress in your relationship.
11. Communicate with your wife directly. “I think it would help if we sat down and talked about…”
12. When you see her at the end of the day. Ask her how her day was (might have to do this a few times to get a response) and then don’t say anything. Let her go on about her day for a few minutes with only occasional nods of the heads or a ‘hmm….’
13. Don’t demean or patronize her, no matter how ridiculous you think she is being. You will only put her on the defensive.
14. Don’t try to introduce sweeping changes into your relationship, lifestyle or household without discussing them with her first. Carefully explain the reasons behind your thinking and acknowledge how you think it will impact on her life.
15. Don’t blame her for things, but try to understand where they have gone wrong and what has caused the problems. Say, “I completely understand where you are coming from…”
16. Be clear and reasonable in your expectations from her. Don’t expect her to read your mind. Tell her what it is you want.
Know who she is
Know who she is and what makes her tick. That way she will feel valued.
17. Compliment her on what it is you see in her that made you marry her in the first place.
- “You make me feel stronger than anyone else possibly could”
- “I think you are the most caring woman in the world”
- “You are the only woman I could ever imagine starting a family with”
18. Take an interest in her friends, family and hobbies. Ask about them in a general way.
19. Admit to her that she enables a lot of your achievements.
20. Actively engage with what she enjoys doing: if she likes shopping, try going with her! (This can be tough and sometimes is better left not done)
21. Be patient with her and don’t try to fix anything in her life. When my wife talks to me i try not to pay too much attention, otherwise i can get frustrated by the situations she puts herself in.
Don't take her for granted
Whatever it is she does, acknowledge the effort that it takes.
22. Try to remember when she goes to see the hairdresser, beautician or other appearance changing person. Tell her when she comes back that she looks good. You're mostly doing this just so she knows that you pay attention.
23. Don’t assume roles within the household. Discuss who should be responsible for what, and make sure you both agree that it is fair. Remember what you bring to the table though, it’s important that when she’s complaining about cleaning the entryway 5 times per week that she knows you clean the gutters, mow the lawns etc.
24. Give her something to look forward to – always. Whether it’s a date night, going away, new clothes or something else she likes/enjoys.
25. Give her some ‘her’ time by taking the kids/dog out semi regularly.
Have fun and create some memories
Enjoy life together.
26. Do something active together, from a short stroll to bungee jumping.
27. Re-live your first date.
28. Plan a mini-break. It doesn’t need to break the bank; even a few days away somewhere slightly different will be incredibly refreshing and rejuvenate your life together.
29. Hire a photographer (usually someone in the family will know someone). Put them up about the house so you can see your memories together.
Remember why you fell in love, and try and find that again through being affectionate.
30. If she needs comforting, then just sit there and listen and give a hug. It’s your manly duty.
31. Try and sit close to her whenever you can. Even at a restaurant or a pub, try sitting side by side rather than across from each other.
32. Talk to her about her dreams and hopes for the future.
33. Drop off her lunch or something for her at work. Get her work mates talking about how good you are.
34. Make her feel cared for at the end of the week. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer. Ask her what she’d like.
Re-ignite your physical passion for each other
A good marriage can be built on this long into old age, so don’t neglect it.
35. Learn how to become a better lover and give her more of what she wants in bed (or where she wants it)
36. Randomly do things for her. Keep her guessing a little.
37. Make sure you make physical contact every single day.
38. Tell her she is beautiful.
39. When you have sex, make sure she orgasms but you don’t ‘finish' every time. Let her know that it’s for special occasions only.
Make yourself physically desirable
For guys, it’s really not that hard at all!
40. Keep yourself well groomed. Keep yourself clean shaven, or trim your designer stubble, or if she likes a full beard, maintain and sculpt it.
41. Wash properly and smell good.
42. For god’s sake, look after your teeth!
43. Dress well.
44. Exercise and keep yourself in good shape. This will also flood your system with testosterone and you’ll feel more energetic and confident, which she will love. (If you're not doing regular exercise at the moment, commit to doing 1 push up per day. It’s the best way to get started)
Be a man!
Every woman wants a man who is in control of his situation.
45. Be well mannered and polite to everyone you meet, even when she is not with you.
46. Be confident and prepared for what it is you are doing and wherever you are. Have some kind of plan.
47. Let her know your aspirations and that you are a man going places.
48. Be playful when conversing (with her or anyone else). Make sure you always have a better answer.
49. Take her out spontaneously for a drink, cinema, theater or dinner date.
Find what it is that makes your marriage unique and powerful…
50. … and make sure she knows what it is.
What to Do Now
Marriage really is a marathon and not a sprint. So one trick to being a successful husband is keeping on top and planning your relationship. My tip is to take a few things (even one is fine) and plug it into your calendar. If you don't have a calendar, your phone or email service will typically have one.
Simply pick a random date and put in one of the list items. i.e.
2 weeks from today – 17. Compliment her – “You make me feel stronger than anyone else possibly could”
It sounds contrived to plan your marriage out like this to this level of detail. However as long as you mean what you say, it's better being planned out and done like this than not done at all! Remember she can't read your mind.
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