“I Hate My Wife! – Is This Normal & What Do I Do About it?”
Has your beautiful brushing bride become a Wifezilla?
Is she over domineering to the point where it’s more of a dictatorship rather than a relationship?
Or has she stopped trying, gotten lazy and even put on too many kilos and now become unattractive?
In either case… you’re not alone
It definitely isn’t the majority, but a sizable percentage of men are finding themselves resenting their wives in their marriages
Their wives got lazy
Their wives got domineering
Their wives got fat
Their wives got annoying
or their wives just got crazy…
Somewhere in between getting married and now, she turned into something that you just didn’t bargain for
So as a husband, when you are stuck in a marriage that you don’t want to be in anymore what do you do?
I Hate My Wife – Do I leave, or do I make it work?
Some just try to wait it out… for their kids’ sake.
This is the easy option because you are avoiding having the confrontation with your wife, but in the end you will hate yourself
You will blame your wife for taking the best years of your life although you need to realize that if you stay and do nothing about it then it’s you that needs to take the blame for not taking any action
If you stay and blame you will lose. Lose time, lose patience, lose effort and energy… In short, you will be miserable because you will not be living your life the way you want to… and you will resent her for it which makes everything even worse
So which are you going to do?
To find out lets get the facts
Its time to break your relationship down and put what is happening down on paper
Keep a record
You need to start keeping a record of what is happening in your relationship
Memory is funny. It doesn't record everything as it is.
If your wife has gotten lazy and doesn’t help around the house… then get a table with the headings of all the chores that get done in the house then mark them when you do them
If your wife is controlling you can do similar. Title the table with what your wife does that you hate. i.e. she calls you names and demeans you, doesn’t listen to you etc. Then title your spreadsheet with these and note when and how many times a day this is happening
When you are speaking/debating/arguing your point to your wife and you don't get it across in a way she understands, then she feels like the problem is with you, not with her
At the moment she may not even acknowledge how she's acting. So you need to have some proof, which is like gold ammunition in your arsenal.
What NOT to do with controlling women
The worst thing you can do against a controlling woman is let her have all the control. Married men can become more passive in ‘settling’ (and not producing as much testosterone) so it is something to be aware of…
If your wife is controlling then you need to break through. She can make it seem like your evil if you go against her wishes but in reality a lot of women actually use this to test men
It isn’t a nice position to be in, but women test men like this to see if they still have the fight to be in the relationship. And it’s a fight you are losing at the moment
Why is she doing this? It's most likely a trust issue. She believes that if she's not in control and telling you what to do then the sky will fall down.
NOTE: TIP It's best to start small here, i.e. small stuff that doesn't make too much of a difference either way. Food, and small purchases are a place to start
What if your desire has gone and it’s too late?
The real issue here is has the problem(s) in your relationship gone too far? Do you now hate her so much after putting up with her crap that it is beyond fixing?
Do you hate her so much that you can’t go through the fight to get it back to where it once was?
Is it just better for you to start off new?
I know that I’m going to cop it for saying this but here it is anyway…
‘You need to take care of you first, nobody is going to take care of you like you are, not even her’
So today is the day
Start working towards having the conversation that will change your marriage. You will not want to do it, but looking back it will be one of the best things that you ever did
You don't need to have that conversation today, but if you keep a list your working towards moving forwards, rather than standing still or going backwards
What to do now (if you want to save your marriage)
As I’ve previously mentioned you can start making a list, no matter what your planning on doing.
Second – you can create a ‘I need you to’ list. This is something I stole from another website (sorry can't think of it) and I think it can work in situations where you want to save the relationship. Basically you write on the list what you require from your wife, and don’t hold back. If you want her to do things for you because it’s making you unhappy write them down
Then she does the same and you show them to each other. Have a chat about it and see where it goes from there
Thirdly you can start noticing or even observing other couples. At dinner with friends? How are they interacting with each other? What do your workmates say about their wives? a lot, not much, nothing at all?
And lastly you can take a short break from your marriage if you feel you need it
Go and see some relatives interstate for a while, go and have a holiday if only for a week. Let her see what life is like without you and then see what happens
NOTE: If you have kids any lawyer in the land will tell you don’t leave them. Otherwise you will have custody issues when she claims that she was ‘abandoned’. So take them with you. Good article on that here
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